mom920's blog

Christmas 2010

The sights, sounds, and scents of Christmas conjure memories of Christmases past. Never has that been more true than this year. The last few Christmases have been bittersweet times tinged with some fear but quite sweet nonetheless. This year has been a little strange for some reason. Maybe some survivor's guilt; maybe a sense that I don't take it all in with the intensity of the last few years. Maybe some disappointment that there are no children and being keenly aware of Bonnie and Chris's disappointment in that arena.

So much to be grateful for. I'm healthy, against all odds, and pretty much past the time period of watching and waiting. But something about facing serious illness erases the illusion that I will live forever, and frankly it's a relief to let that illusion go. It's a strange "club" I belong to. You can tell when others have faced that moment and they get it but others really don't.

My kids are great. Strong, committed marriages for 2 of them; the other living a life that will prepare her well for the same but content where she is. Susanna is finished with college for now - having accomplished her Associates degree in addition to her chef certification. We'll see what the job market holds for her, but for now she's enjoying working at The Pearl Cup in Dallas. They've added a tiny kitchen to the shop so she can bake some of their treats, and the rest of the time she serves as a barista. It's great experience for her dream to open a bakery one day.

Abbey and Dane spend their lives investing in others, keeping friends' kids, always very family oriented. Abbey's ministry with Feed My Starving Children continues, although she's seeking and evaluating ways to make the best impact. They traveled to Cambodia for the dedication of a new church last summer and they plan for more international travel in 2011 with a trip to South Africa in the spring and Romania next summer where Dane will lead worship at a youth camp. They are walking through brain cancer with a close friend and it's impressive to see how they give and love without fear or shying away from any aspect of Brandon's trial.

Bonnie and Chris are enjoying Allen now that they've adjusted to leaving Dallas. Bonnie comes over a lot of Saturdays to shop the local Farmer's Market and have breakfast with us. She's still working from home and has quite a sweet setup with her computers and her "coworkers" (i.e. poodles). She started a ministry at church for women starting families, where those with children can encourage those wanting children in a surprisingly healthy way.

All three girls are active in our church and it's such an unexpected joy to worship and serve together. Susanna also frequents other churches where the local singles gather. We especially love their friends and the opportunity we have through church to know them too.

A fourth "daughter" joined the family this past fall. Ji Min is a 15-year-old student from South Korea who came to live with us to attend Carrollton Christian Academy, the school at our church. Ji Min is a delight, and has so much in common with our 3 that she fits right in. So we're back to carpooling and homecoming and all the fun that comes with teenagers. We also enjoy introducing her to all things Texan and American. We sampled all the fried foods at the State Fair and took her to a large family reunion in South Texas over Thanksgiving with Lindsey's cousins and aunts and uncle. Christmas traditions are all new for her and it's been fun experiencing all the "firsts" with her and helping her understand what it's all about.

Lindsey is working at Southwest and enjoying the family as always. With all the girls around, he is one content man.

I still work at the church and do some Bible teaching and enjoy the convertible (but not in the summer heat...). Thinking about another high-capacity vehicle trade, though, as we often have more passengers. Our "empty nest" is not exactly empty and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas again!  I hope this season finds all our friends well.  Here's our 2009 Christmas update for all who were brave enough to look this up.

First of all, we are all well.  Economic difficulties have given us our share of nerves, but we are so blessed.  I continue to be healthy, which is truly a miracle.  I struggle a bit with why many others with serious illness are not healed, but we are thankful every day nonetheless.

I still work at the church.  We launched a new website recently that was a tremendous learning and stretching experience.  (www.firstchurch.net if you want to see)  The job brings something new every day and so much interaction with people.  I enjoy it and continue to be challenged.  Lindsey is still at Southwest Airlines, working hard as he always has.  He also sings with a wonderful choir called Resounding Harmony in Dallas which recently performed at the Meyerson and will perform at the new Winspear Opera House this spring.  Susanna is working at a fun coffee shop on Henderson St. in Dallas and attending Brookhaven College full time as well.  She enjoys her job and spends plenty of time in her bug on her long commute as well as hitting the books.

Bonnie and Chris recently moved from Dallas to Allen and they and the poodles are getting settled in their new place.  Chris is now very close to his work and Bonnie is working from home (or wherever her laptop goes).  Abbey and Dane are still in Carrollton - he leads worship at our church (and designed the above website!) and she's still working with an energy company.  Her real passion is working with Feed My Starving Children, which will be hosting another Dallas area event in March.  We feel very fortunate to have all our kids in the area and we see them frequently.

I had the privilege of taking several short vacations this year - one with my mother to Estes Park, Colorado, for a YMCA of the Rockies staff reunion.  Mom is considering working up there again next summer!  She's doing great - so busy with friends and volunteering and exercise class that it's hard to find her at home.  My second trip was with Lindsey to a family reunion in Kalamazoo, MI, followed by a few days celebrating his birthday in Chicago.  We reconnected with good friends in Detroit on the way, and found that after years of just passing through Chicago, it's really worth a trip there just to see it!  We loved the city and explored the waterfront, museums, and shopping.  Oh, and pizza...  Then in September, Bonnie and I took a trip to the Boston area.  We made up our own author/literary site tour and had a great time exploring that area.  Then Lindsey and I spent a wonderful weekend in Natchitoches, LA with friends.  We recommend that area as well for charm, shopping, wonderful food, and very interesting history.

We hope all our friends are doing well as we celebrate this special season of our Lord's birth.

P.S.  If you got our Christmas card, I hope you enjoyed the pictures of the stained glass windows.  I spent many hours as a kid studying those windows and the others during church.  Just wanted to share.  If you didn't get our Christmas card, it's probably because we see you all the time:)

Birthday dinner last October

Jumping Fish

I love walking and jogging at the park by my house.  Every time I get out in the earlier morning I wish I was more of a morning person because I love the peace of it at that time of day.  So this morning I tiptoed out the garage door so Lucy wouldn't catch me in my running shoes (sad when you have to sneak out because of the dog) and headed down there.

I talk to God a lot on the trails.  It's not my deepest prayer time, but it's good - partly inspired by His nature in all its variety.  This morning, I saw a fish jump, as I often do.  Well, I didn't really see it jump.  I'm only ever aware of it barely after the fact.  The movement catches my eye, the sound catches my attention.  Sometimes I see (or imagine) the slightest flick of a tail.  So this morning I just said to God, can I just be looking at the right spot at the right time sometime and see the whole fish, you know, can you arrange that, God?  Wasn't really looking for an answer, but an answer came to my spirit that I'm pretty sure was from Him.  Something to the effect that His workings are like that.  I don't see Him, but I'm aware of the effects, the ripples, the sense that He was there.  I knew the fish was there because of the splash and the ripples that went all the way to the edge of the pond in its morning stillness.  And when the last ripple reached the edge of the pond and dissipated, did that mean that the fish had left the water?  No, he was still there, under the surface, moving and waiting to become evident again.

Probably not that profound, but it spoke to me today.  And I ran 2 straight miles without any walking, which I haven't done since probably college days.  This after turning 54 last week...  and with one "permanently damaged" lung, so they say.  So ha.

And I owe Lucy a walk.

The Y

This place just gets under your skin.  I'm so glad I came.  It's been bittersweet - Mom was weepy all morning, but she pulled it together and now she's talking about coming back to work next summer.  I was thinking that we would find closure on this trip, but who am I trying to kid?  We'll all be back.
Our family first vacationed here 50 years ago this summer.  I was 3, and all I remember is fishing at Dorsey Lake and getting a fishhook stuck in my elbow.  And a frog jumped into the water next to me.  I remember being frightened, but the story goes I thought it was a bear and all the grown-ups thought it was hysterical.  I'm thinking we had been to Bear Lake and that planted the idea in my head.  That's all I remember, and I think the frog/bear memory may possibly be from hearing it told.
At 11, I had my first crush here (David Scoggin) and also determined to come back to work when I got old enough.  Which I followed through on when I was 20.  Gives you an idea how it stays in your brain.  I still have dreams of unfinished business here from time to time, and a looming feeling in the dream that it's almost time to go home.
It's the one place where I've been with both sets of grandparents, with Dad and also with Stepdad, pretty much all of my family, including 2 family reunions.  We came on our honeymoon and dedicated our first child to God here.  I grieved over the loss of John with Abbey, Erin, and Jaimy, and then shipped Abbey off for what I thought would probably be a permanent departure from home.  I saw the rock today where I sat to make flight arrangements home because you could only find a phone signal in random places.  We saw Susanna grow up before our eyes between high school graduation and our visit a month later.  I had the first inkling that something was very wrong when a doctor suddenly called on the day they put in a new cell tower.  Didn't even think we had phone service, and the phone suddenly rang.  Thankfully I was home before we really knew what was going on.
One earlier memory that sticks in my head is when Bonnie and Abbey went to the children's program for the day, which included a horseback ride.  Buz and I were headed out on a hike with Susanna on his back and decided to go via the stables in case we could see them departing.  Abbey had just busted a major nosebleed, and she was sitting on a bench with Bonnie holding her while the counselors figured out what to do, as we happened to walk up.  We ran for a clean shirt and got her back on the horse, but the vision of her all bloody in her big sister's arms has never left me.
Robert and I have hiked together dressed alike in our plaid flannel days (and our hair was actually pretty much the same style...)  I've dragged Laurie to a mountaintop where she was sure she would blow off, and we've slid down a glacier together. 
I made it to the top of Long's on the third attempt, and had some adventures on tries 1 & 2.  I've straddled the summit of Mount Meeker because you can't stand up or you would blow off.  Had a major break-up here that sent my life in an entirely different (and excellent) direction.
Anyway, it's late. I'm rambling.  But everything from the afternoon rains to the smell of the air keeps the memories flowing.  And I'm grateful.

Morning

It was in the 60s this morning when I ran.  So glad I looked at the thermometer before I got on the elliptical.  Glorious! Can this be June?  I slowed down enough on the boardwalk to watch the little community gathered on the sandbar.  Three duck families - one with babies, one with adolescents, and one with a single new hatchling (she inspired me to pray for Bonnie).  A blue heron was standing guard and they were surrounded by the bobbing turtles that always hang out there with just their heads above the water.  I have an idea where Dr. Seuss got his inspiration.  The resident white heron was in flight.  What a way to start the day!

The best weekend

This has been the best weekend.  Being 3 days long never hurts, but still...  Started with a 3+ hour lunch with Becky on Friday - we sat by the fire at La Madeleine and had no idea it was getting so late.  With a 3-generation family connection, we just had a lot to catch up on.  Then to the park for a sunset walk, with the ponds fairly still and the reflection of the bare winter trees - why don't I carry my camera?  So after dinner we went to the Dallas Museum of Art with Abbey & Dane for a late night event.  They are great company and the special exhibit was fun - all kinds of displays having to do with light and color, kind of participative, very interesting.  Free Starbucks and open mic night, which wasn't half bad!  Then Saturday morning I was reading in bed and sort of plotting my day when Sharon called and wanted to meet at the deli for breakfast.  So we introduced Dave to the fine eating establishment that is Coppell Deli and had a great visit.  Then I actually got some long-overdue house work done, which is a pretty humdrum thing to do, but it's a great thing to have done.  Then we test drove an awesome car like we'll probably eventually buy (when the time is right).  Mom came over for dinner and then we watched Tea with Mussolini.  It was a good movie but I think the best discovery was that subtitles really help Mom, who has found lately that she doesn't enjoy TV and movies so much because she has trouble hearing.  The solution should have been obvious, but it was a nice, sort of accidental discovery when I sat on the remote and turned it on.
Sunday was church and a long afternoon nap, followed by an evening of sewing.  Then NO WORK on Monday.  So I read for a while and then had lunch with Susanna, who had just returned from a great weekend at a church retreat.  I walked to Starbucks later to meet Laurie for another long chat.  Then, walking back, I discovered that all these trails near my house through the park and by the canals and City Hall are all connected now, so you can really travel the prettiest routes right here.  I even jogged some on the way home, and had enough wind to go twice as far as planned.  Nice, since I haven't been jogging in a while.  Then a nice dinner, (prepared while watching Friday Night Lights on the recorder) and a call from Bonnie, letting me know that she's very happy with her decisions regarding her job(s) lately.  Happy Bonnie = happy mom :)
What made the weekend so great was the people.  There's nothing like good friends, whether they're related to you or not.  When I used to work from home, I would often have a big to-do list that would be hijacked by somebody needing to talk.  You know, the to-do lists always somehow got done, and I was always glad I invested the time in relationships.  I've been very blessed.

And now the Really Good News...

Had a CT scan Friday.  Got the call yesterday.  Not only all clear, but I DON'T HAVE TO GET THEM ANY MORE!!!  I guess this particular problem either recurs quickly or not at all and I'm past 2 years, all clear.

I definitely thank and praise God for my health.  But the humbling thing about this whole ordeal has been I guess a heightened awareness of those who are not healed, even when we pray, even when they're deserving.  I've also seen how some who are not healed are able to continue praising God through their struggles.  There's a lot about this God we serve that I still don't understand.  I'm thankful that he sustains all of us, that he gave us life to begin with, that he promises a life that doesn't end here.  And that's enough.  I'll take it.

I'm also thankful for friends and prayers and support.  And hopefully I'm a little more compassionate than I was before all this.  And less fearful.  God does indeed work things for good.

Post-Christmas Thoughts

We saw Four Christmases last night.  What a dismal way to end a delightful Christmas day.  It just seemed like a movie would be fun after the company left, and it was close and short and not too late.  The write-up in the paper indicated that it would be the typical dysfunctional family holiday movie, but that it ended on a hopeful note.  And Reese Witherspoon is so cute, how bad could it be?
Well, I guess we live in a society where movies like that make people feel better about their sad families.  So they sell, somewhat.  A movie that makes you say, well, at least my family's not that bad.  And people buy a ticket and go - it was actually #1 at the box office a few weeks ago.  I just hope more people attended Christmas Eve church services than attended that movie.  Problem is, if you start using phrases like "abundant life" and "Savior," you're dismissed as being too "churchy," even though the church and the Bible actually offer real hope that families don't have to be like that.
I'm beginning to understand why people at my church are so excited about short-term mission trips.  My doctor friend told me once that he goes to other countries to offer his skills to poor people because you can't do it here in this country.  In other countries, you can relieve a little pain and people are grateful.  Here, you can relieve pain and get sued because you couldn't cure their cancer.  I think that in other places people recognize their spiritual hunger and they're grateful when you bring Christ's message of hope.  Here, people look for a movie review with a suggestion of hope at the end and buy a ticket.  I guess I'm just sorry that I didn't stay home and bask in the memories of a nice get-together with my family, and maybe plug in the "Nativity Story" DVD that I got in my stocking.
Abbey went to Ecuador a few weeks ago and had a fantastic time bringing hope to lots of people.  Read about it at www.firstchurch.net/FirstNews20081218.pdf if you want to.  Susanna helped serve dinner to homeless people at the Hyatt Regency on Christmas Eve, and had a great time.  I didn't do much for others this season, so I hope I'll remember that next year and do better, before I buy a ticket to the depressing-holiday-movie-of-the-year.
We really had a nice day.  Maybe I wouldn't have been tempted to end it at the movie theater if Mom's last words at the end of the day hadn't been "well, we got through it."  She's carrying a lot of burdens for her grandchildren right now.  Guess I can't blame her.  But I'm quite proud of my 3 of the lot.

This is sort of my Christmas letter...

First the good news.  We celebrated our 30th anniversary last February, with one big party weekend.  My mother had a significant birthday the week before, so family members came from far and wide for 2 big parties.  It was great.

But then came March...  Scroll down and you'll find an email I sent to some family and friends on March 14.  I'm posting it now in case anybody receiving a Christmas card from us wants to read it.  It was a long spring, with 2 hospitalizations and a good 6 weeks with me out of commission, followed by 6 months of antibiotics, but the rest of the year has been great!  We are praising God for good health for both of us, and grateful for all the love and support we've had.

The outcome was, after a lot of complications (you can read the first post I put up), we found that the disease I had in 2006 (which reappears within 18 months in 88% of cases, does not tend to come back at all after 18 months) DID NOT recur in me.  We will continue to be vigilant about it, but at this point I'm miraculously well.  And I've participated in 3 5K races since then!  I'm not setting speed records, but I FINISHED and improved my time with each one.

Susanna is living with us, going to school and baking all the time.  She's doing special holiday baking right now and staying quite busy.  Abbey & Dane live nearby and are doing great.  Abbey just returned from a mission trip in Ecuador and had an incredible time.  Bonnie & Chris moved to Dallas to a neat neighborhood near the Katy Trail and lots of fun shopping.  Their 2 poodles keep our sheltie Lucy company during the days in our back yard.  Lindsey is still working hard at Southwest, I'm working at the church (they call me "webmaster" - ha!), and life is good!

Hope you are well and looking forward to a wonderful Christmas and New Year!

Lindy

From March 14:

Friends and family,

Just thought I'd bring you up to speed on my crazy rare health problem.  Some of you know most of this, but for the sake of one email...

My original surgery was 18 months ago and I've been in for regular checks since.  So I was due last week and some spots were identified.  My understanding has been that since this is a slow growth thing, they would watch anything that arose and not immediately go after it, but after consulting with the only doctor in the country who knows anything at all about this problem (in Rhode Island!), my doctor and his team have decided to go after the spots.  I'm not sure I understand all the reasoning, but, frankly, getting something removed is beginning to sound better than watching and waiting.

I go in early Wednesday morning.  They will try to do it by scope and if they're able, it might be a day surgery.  They may have to do more, so I guess I'll find out when I wake up.

I did go in yesterday for an additional scan that would give a picture of a larger area and more detail in some places.  It actually looks pretty good and didn't reveal anything new, which was reassuring.

I go on the assumption that people really don't want lots of medical details, so I won't get graphic on you.  But I'm not afraid to answer questions or discuss it if I know you want to know.  I can even spell the 10-syllable name if you really want to know.  Just ask.

This has been unsettling, but I have to share the scripture that I have on my screen wallpaper right now, superimposed on a picture of a mountain I've climbed in a place that I love:

"Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?  Who has understood the mind of the Lord, or instructed him as his counselor?"

I love being in control, and I'm definitely finding that I can't always be.  But I'm grateful for the awesome support of my friends and that God is the one in control.

I'll keep you posted.  Please pray for me and my family.

Much love,
Lindy

Psalm 139

1 O LORD, you have searched me
       and you know me.

 2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
       you are familiar with all my ways.

 4 Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD.

 5 You hem me in—behind and before;
       you have laid your hand upon me.

 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
       too lofty for me to attain.

 7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
       Where can I flee from your presence?

 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
       if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
       if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 10 even there your hand will guide me,
       your right hand will hold me fast.

 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
       and the light become night around me,"

 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
       the night will shine like the day,
       for darkness is as light to you.

 13 For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.

 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

 15 My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

 16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
       How vast is the sum of them!

Just found a quote that...

Just found a quote that I love:  "Nondiscipleship costs abiding peace, a life penetrated throughout by love, faith that sees everything in the light of God's overriding governance for good, hopefulness that stands firm in the most discouraging of circumstances, power to do what is right and withstand the forces of evil.  In short, it costs exactly that abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring."  (Dallas Willard)

It seems that a lot of people resist the Christian life because they don't want the work or the restrictions or even the reputation, but lately I've noticed many who are paying the price of choosing other ways.  And it's not pretty.  I'll take the "narrow way" any day because I've lived a long time with those "consequences."